Difference between a Crouch and Squat (and ancillary notes on the Hunker)

Difference between a Crouch and Squat

(This is not my idea. Patrick F. McManus, an outdoors comedy writer, is the one who first cleared it up for me. I read one of his books, I can't remember which, when I was 15 or 16, and learned the difference between the crouch and squat. Also, John Krakauer discussed some of the issues below, but as he doesn’t site sources or do true research either, I don’t feel bad not being more specific. Don’t get me wrong – what he writes is entertaining – but he often writes non-fiction based in crappy research, stereotypes, and fear.)

OK. This is a PG topic. (Not my typical G rating.) Why would one write about such a topic? you might ask. Well, because when you’re in the wilderness you become more deliberate in your actions. You typically pay closer attention to your surroundings, pay attention to where you place your next step, how much water you have, and so on. One of the most undesirable everyday experiences (one which, if you put it off, will sit in the back of your mind all day) is the squat.

Almost every morning most of the people I’ve backpacked with use this term: “Oh crap, I have to squat.” (HA! That’s pretty funny.) Or, in mixed company you may hear the term “Oh crap, I have to dig a cat hole.” Actually, one could hear any number of things but they all mean the same – it’s bathroom time without a bathroom. This is called “squatting.”

While the position one takes up, "squatting," may seem similar in form to a crouch, the respective functions are very different. For example, while in a crouch, people are apt to either initiate or at least participate in conversation. Often, someone in a crouch may even draw a map in the dirt, further explaining their ideas.

The squat position, however, is a very personal experience. Besides groans of pain – thigh burn and such – or relief, the most conversation you typically get from someone squatting is, “crap, can I borrow a couple squares?” The process usually starts with a solo walk, at least 200 feet from the closest water, path, and camp. I often try to find an old dead tree close to which there is soft loamy dirt. Cat holes should be at least 8” deep and wide enough to keep the resulting bio load 6” under the surface once covered. NOTE: Men, to avoid p-moisture on the back of your pants, it’s usually a good idea to shake the dew from your lily pad before squatting. I understand, although I have not witnessed it myself, that K.C likes to totally remove his pants in preparation for a squat. I personally feel coordinated enough that this seems a little unnecessary and can get you caught worse than with your pants down.

Now you know – if someone is squatting, I recommend you stay away. While very uncomfortable, once you’re done with the squat, unless you’re sick or eating a lot of fiber, you can probably put another one off until the next morning and will feel much better. Don’t put it off if you need to do it! I’ve seen people try this and it is never a good idea.

The crouch, on the other hand, or resting on haunches, can relieve tired leg muscles for a few moments. Personally, I don’t like the crouch either. I don’t mind if others crouch, but my knees are too old for the crouch. I either hunker or sit. I won’t bore you with the details on what a hunker is except that it usually involves food – trail mix, jerky, and such.

One other thought: honestly, is anyone carrying out their “litter” from a squat? I’ve read articles discussing this option, leaving the bio load but collecting the clean-up litter. Give me a break. If you’re doing this, you’re crazy. Just dig at least 8” and bury it!